She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
