it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
