It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
