I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
