Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
