Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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