Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He has the fingertips of a God
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