i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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