my phone cant type all the emotion im having
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
