your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
