Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
