I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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