dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
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I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
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I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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