whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
