just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
