she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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