Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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