My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
