I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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