I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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