He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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