i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
