I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
These tits shall not be calmed
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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