I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Oh god it's open bar.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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