I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
