just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
