sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
