If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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