5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
All the doctor said was why
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
