So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
