it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
