Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
