What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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