3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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