Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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