Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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