i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
