U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
