just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
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I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
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And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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