Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Did we literally take a cab across the street
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
