apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize