I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
