Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
