who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
be right there i have to get my cape
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
