I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
