I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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