And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
