Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
