Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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