i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
