The maid of honor just puked.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
