How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
