i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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