I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
