I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize