woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I want to fling myself into the sun
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
