I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
