she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
