i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
