i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize