remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
did i walk over a car last night?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I think my moral compass just broke
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