I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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