I am full of burrito and curiosity
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
