textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
