pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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