thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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