I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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