I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
