ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
