what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
