11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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