my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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