Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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