If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
