How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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