Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
