What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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