Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
