what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
