VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
