I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
