Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
