Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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