I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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