I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
