well I can't set my house on fire every night
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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