Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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