3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
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Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
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My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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