Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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