She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
