dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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